[ nodd lingers right outside the medbay in those same awesome pants and that same twerk shirt--the latter now dirty with blood and saliva on the one shoulder. he's poked and scratched from the briars and the princess who'd writhed within them.
someone io probably forced basic healing upon him, but nodd, as usual, prefers to live with as much pain as possible. ]
Greg.
[ he checks, but it was already true he wasn't in the way of the door if gregor is here (again?) for rosie ]
So you're saying it happened because he was out of his mind about killing the guy, anyway?
[he's still not-- positive he knows love that isn't familial. actual love. it's not something he's ever gotten to think about, outside of... a thing or two here.]
[ comparing one crazy to another is super fair and fine. ]
He wanted to see him again. He never wanted to see him again. Then, he wanted to see him again so much. He doesn't want to die--of course, he's alive, he doesn't really want to die. Nero wouldn't want him to die, either. Then, suddenly, he wants nothing more than to die. Taking another breath is painful, because Nero isn't. And on it goes. Every time a decision is made, it produces seven new routes of spiraling thought.
[ back to that looking into nothing thing nodd is really good at ]
[ said too quickly. because gregor had to ask and he had to answer.
and nodd is better lying than truthing.
he looks down at his hands. knits his fingers together. wiggles them. ]
A little. During my mission with Yuri and Rosie, we saw a scene from my past. My obsession over a boy that betrayed me--a betrayal with a high body count.
[ wigglewiggle ]
In the mission, our job was to accept one of the worst days in our lives. To come to terms with our truth. And I? I tried to kill him. It took the ladies to break me out of it. Dion and that boy were nothing alike, but I know I'm not so different from myself a week ago, ready to destroy a memory before I'll live with it.
...guess in a situation like that, nobody really knows what they'll do until they're in it. Not necessarily a bad thing that you had it in you to try and do something about it.
[but- well. still.]
Shouldn't have knocked her out this time, though. I know she was fighting, but she didn't have to be out while everything happened.
All respect, I don't think any of you had a better solution.
[ love you yuri, sorry yuri ]
If I let her go, she kills herself and then we have to vote for the other guy--and everyone was already going to vote for the other guy. Princess too popular.
[ ... ]
I didn't mean to hit her that hard, anyway. I thought she'd hit me back more.
[ someone break the fourth wall and blame kabby. ]
It wasn't about popularity. It was about thinking they both probably had to die, and at least letting her pick her own way out when she was clear on what she wanted.
[they weren't-- she wasn't going to get spared. not until things went the way they did.]
If he'd spoken up in time we'd have voted for her, because she was the one forced into it.
Then I'm a bad guy, Gregor. Is that what you want? I did wrong, 'cause I wouldn't let that girl kill herself in front of me? I tried sitting back. I spent the first half of the day focusing on the murders. Just doing everything I could to shut down thinking about the outcome.
[ he's too tired to be angry. he looks up at the ceiling ]
I still get judged and turn noses. So, what I learned is I'm going to keep doing what I want. The outcome for me is the same. I still lose everyone.
You're jumping to put words in my mouth, there, bud, I'm just trying to tell you what was going on-! Nobody's saying you're a bad guy, here, just that maybe we don't jump right to unconsciousness being the answer!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w4; saturday, post-trial
someone
ioprobably forced basic healing upon him, but nodd, as usual, prefers to live with as much pain as possible. ]Greg.
[ he checks, but it was already true he wasn't in the way of the door if gregor is here (again?) for rosie ]
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[a glance toward the medbay.]
So. Io healing her up?
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[ here he is. ]
Nobody knows anything for sure, as usual.
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[exhaling a huff, as he leans against the wall.]
Of all the boneheaded things to do, he had to...
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[ the confusion is clear. who else is boneheaded? ]
Diluc? Bradley?
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[ for once, there is not a note of him changing the subject here. this is the subject. ]
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the worst question, actually? this is the worst question this week. ugh.]
I don't know, do you count being cursed in love with Rodya for half the week?
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[ meanwhile sae is like GIVE ME THE DEETS, COWARD ]
Love can be calm, familiar, nostalgic despite being brand new--so I hear. I've only felt a different type. And that sort of love is closer to madness.
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[he's still not-- positive he knows love that isn't familial. actual love. it's not something he's ever gotten to think about, outside of... a thing or two here.]
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[ comparing one crazy to another is super fair and fine. ]
He wanted to see him again. He never wanted to see him again. Then, he wanted to see him again so much. He doesn't want to die--of course, he's alive, he doesn't really want to die. Nero wouldn't want him to die, either. Then, suddenly, he wants nothing more than to die. Taking another breath is painful, because Nero isn't. And on it goes. Every time a decision is made, it produces seven new routes of spiraling thought.
[ back to that looking into nothing thing nodd is really good at ]
You either become paralyzed or you stop thinking.
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[he has to ask.]
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[ said too quickly. because gregor had to ask and he had to answer.
and nodd is better lying than truthing.
he looks down at his hands. knits his fingers together. wiggles them. ]
A little. During my mission with Yuri and Rosie, we saw a scene from my past. My obsession over a boy that betrayed me--a betrayal with a high body count.
[ wigglewiggle ]
In the mission, our job was to accept one of the worst days in our lives. To come to terms with our truth. And I? I tried to kill him. It took the ladies to break me out of it. Dion and that boy were nothing alike, but I know I'm not so different from myself a week ago, ready to destroy a memory before I'll live with it.
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[but- well. still.]
Shouldn't have knocked her out this time, though. I know she was fighting, but she didn't have to be out while everything happened.
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[ love you yuri, sorry yuri ]
If I let her go, she kills herself and then we have to vote for the other guy--and everyone was already going to vote for the other guy. Princess too popular.
[ ... ]
I didn't mean to hit her that hard, anyway. I thought she'd hit me back more.
[ someone break the fourth wall and blame kabby. ]
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[they weren't-- she wasn't going to get spared. not until things went the way they did.]
If he'd spoken up in time we'd have voted for her, because she was the one forced into it.
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Then I'm a bad guy, Gregor. Is that what you want? I did wrong, 'cause I wouldn't let that girl kill herself in front of me? I tried sitting back. I spent the first half of the day focusing on the murders. Just doing everything I could to shut down thinking about the outcome.
[ he's too tired to be angry. he looks up at the ceiling ]
I still get judged and turn noses. So, what I learned is I'm going to keep doing what I want. The outcome for me is the same. I still lose everyone.
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[god. he rubs at his face, shaking his head.]
You're jumping to put words in my mouth, there, bud, I'm just trying to tell you what was going on-! Nobody's saying you're a bad guy, here, just that maybe we don't jump right to unconsciousness being the answer!
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I didn't know it would knock her out like that.
[ his body is a weapon :( ]
I wanted her off her feet, not with cranial damage.
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[MAYBE NO MORE HEADBUTTING AFTER THAT.]
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[ his turn to rub a hand on his face ]
No more headbutting.
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You're lucky you're hot, Greg.
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