Depends. I know I didn't exactly endear myself to anyone. But I also didn't kill her, so for me, it's a draw. I guess that means I'm playing with myself, but...
[ snorts. taps on the glass although there is nothing that could possibly hear that. ]
I've always been this way. Long as I can remember. Best I can do is not, you know?
We wouldn't, but-- we didn't know it could happen that way, either.
[a little shake of his head.]
...I get the feeling. If anyone killed Yuri, I couldn't promise they'd survive to get voted for. [maybe. but no promises.] But I'd expect it to go over pretty badly with some of the rest.
Despite what I've said, I don't usually take it upon myself to sort the two. But I'd say there's usually a difference between someone who can kill without it weighing on them and those who buckle beneath the guilt. And those who never do--never have to make those choices.
I think true broken is when you stop feeling altogether. When hurting others becomes regular. When you find a way to turn the feeling part off--if it doesn't twist your insides to see the bodies--that's full broken. And if you get there, you should start over, weather permitting.
...I feel like there's an in-between for the first ones you said. Point where you can kill and let it weigh on you, without buckling. That's just the reality of it-- people are gonna die, and sometimes you're gonna be the one who puts them there, and if you let that tear you apart then you're just gonna be next.
If you end up having to turn off the way you feel about it to survive... that's just reality for some, too.
One of our comrades is like that. Took getting us all killed more than once and our guide threatening her within an inch of her life for her to start getting a handle on hers-- she's still got something of a quick trigger, but she's trying.
[ohhh don quixote.]
Don't have to accept things will always be a certain way. Just that they are now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ are any of these dots of light Janth? ]
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[leaning on the window, a bit, idly watching outside.]
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[ snorts. taps on the glass although there is nothing that could possibly hear that. ]
I've always been this way. Long as I can remember. Best I can do is not, you know?
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If I took her out, the vote wouldn't have been split. We wouldn't have to...
[ drifts off again. ]
I'm getting what I deserve, I guess. Thinking anything could be changed once the ball was rolling.
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[a little shake of his head.]
...I get the feeling. If anyone killed Yuri, I couldn't promise they'd survive to get voted for. [maybe. but no promises.] But I'd expect it to go over pretty badly with some of the rest.
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[ thunking forehead against the glass several times. ]
She must hate me. Aaaahhh.
[ fogging up the glass with his breath ]
I don't know. If anyone harmed that kid, I think the whole crew would revolt.
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[that's what makes it scary.]
...besides, I doubt she hates you.
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[ in a weird way, thinking about yuri's potential opinion of him (negative or otherwise) seems to be a nice distraction.
then back to the situation they're all trapped in. ]
That really is the most screwy part. You can't base any of this on whether someone hates another person. Whether they're a good soul or a broken one.
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What is it you think makes someone a good soul or a broken one?
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[curiosity, mostly. just getting a feel for where he sits.]
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I think true broken is when you stop feeling altogether. When hurting others becomes regular. When you find a way to turn the feeling part off--if it doesn't twist your insides to see the bodies--that's full broken. And if you get there, you should start over, weather permitting.
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...I feel like there's an in-between for the first ones you said. Point where you can kill and let it weigh on you, without buckling. That's just the reality of it-- people are gonna die, and sometimes you're gonna be the one who puts them there, and if you let that tear you apart then you're just gonna be next.
If you end up having to turn off the way you feel about it to survive... that's just reality for some, too.
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Oh, I get it now.
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[ wow nodd must be feeling bad if he's jazzing gregor up ]
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[his APPEAL? for WHAT]
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[ someone compliment gregor more??? ]
To backtrack--there's nothing you said I can't agree with. It's... accepting circumstances more completely. Something I ought to work on.
[ a sigh. nodd really should have been a rogue or bard. this monk shit is haaaaaard ]
After I get those impulses under control.
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[ohhh don quixote.]
Don't have to accept things will always be a certain way. Just that they are now.
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[ rubbing the back of his neck ]
And, in my minuscule defense, the only comrade I ever got killed was me.
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[man does the city even have monks. probably. they have churches even if they're largely, uh, cults.]
But I guess if you've only ever brought it down on your head, that's not a bad track record to have.